Ditto

Wow, it's been almost 3 years since I wrote last! The title of my last entry was "mental illness SUCKS" and today I say Ditto!

I haven't written in so long because I couldn't. I was not in a place where I could put my feelings out there without sounding like an angry old hag hashing out the same things over and over.

Today though it's for my sons. I so much wish I could take away their imbalances and have them experience life uninhibited. Instead they have my imbalances. They have anger, hatred, depression, anxiety, ADHD, ... The list goes on. 

I wish I could erase the pain they have inflicted on others.

I can't apologize enough for the hurtful words and actions they have taken.

I can't fix this. God can, if He chooses to. But He may not. This may be part of their testimony. Like mine is part of mine. 

We're on medications (they don't fix everything, but they sure help), we've done therapy, and we are trying. We are trying to survive in this place we have been given, amongst many who don't understand and it's hard. 

I see the looks others give me because of things my boys have done/said. I feel the attitude toward us. But that's okay. I'm grateful that they aren't in my shoes. I'm thankful they don't deal with the ups and downs of mental illness because quite frankly life is hard enough just with normal stuff.

And I am so very very thankful to those who have had so much patience with my boys (it takes a lot of patience). I'm thankful for those that love them anyway. 

Last thought: Try not to judge. You never know what is going on with others or how hard they are trying. Love anyway, give anyway, help anyway.