That "S" Word Christian Women Hate!

Submissive

Before doing my research into this word/task I hated the word/idea “submissive”. To me it was a way for men to take over and do as they pleased and us lowly women didn’t have a voice. We were to do as we were told and that was the end of it. It doesn’t mean that we aren’t to have opinions or thoughts of our own, but it’s to allow our husbands to step up and be the husbands/fathers/leaders that God created them to be. Our husbands are supposed to be the head of the household and we are to follow that lead; giving them advice and help along the way. However, if they make a stupid choice, which we all know they will, we are to stand by them continuing to guide and help them and not to discourage them more and keeping our “I told you so”s to ourselves. (I know it’s hard! Especially because I’m always right! Lol)

My husband can’t become the man God is calling him to be if I’m too busy taking care of everything and being the head of the household. I’m a control freak. I like things to be just so and no other way is right. (I’m working on it.) But if I am so busy doing everything, my husband can’t do what he is appointed by God to do. Now, if my husband wants me to handle, for example, the finances then I will, not because I’m a control freak, but because he asked me to help him in this area. While doing this task it is my job, as his helpmate, to keep him informed of the finances so he can make good choices with his earnings. (I only say his earnings because at the moment I am a full time parent.)

In the 1 Peter 3:1-6 (It is listed below) it says that we may have husbands that are not followers of Christ, but they can be won over by our submission because ultimately how we are acting is in the same way as Christ. We need to be gentle and humble as Christ was, giving our husbands help and rest. Giving them peace and tranquility, not making this harder and worse for them. (Matthew 11:28-30) The 1 Peter verse sure gives me a reason to work hard on being a submissive and encouraging wife.

I have to retrain my brain though. I’m not a submissive person at all. I don’t like the idea of being a good little house wife and just doing what I’m supposed to do. But that’s not at all how God wants it to be. And it’s not how it is intended.

I’ve got a lot of work to do, but it’s something that I want. Not just for myself but for my husband too. Today God revealed to me that when I cry/yell at my husband when I’m hurt by something or angry about something I’m not being respectful to him. I long very much for respect from my family, but I can’t expect my kids to be respectful to me or him if I’m not respectful to him. My attitude and mouth get me in a lot of trouble sometimes, even though I can’t always see it. But that’s something that only I can change with the help of the Holy Spirit. He was sent to us to be our helper so that we can be helpers to others, and that is what I long to be.

I’m hoping I can find a good Christian counselor that can help me in this area, with ideas and ways that can be helpful. And also help me in the area of depression and anger.

I’m a mess, but God has promised to use this mess of Me and use it for his Glory. And for that I’m very thankful.

Romans 8:28 Amplified Bible (AMP) 28 And we know [with great confidence] that God [who is deeply concerned about us] causes all things to work together [as a plan] for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to His plan and purpose.

Here is some of the research I found today that really opened my eyes and my heart to the idea of submissiveness and it not being a dirty word in the mind of Christian married women everywhere.

Definitions of Submissive:
  To be humbly obedient.
Willing to submit to wishes of others.
Willingness to do what other want.

Synonyms and their Definitions

Accommodating – Fitting in with someone’s wishes or demands in a helpful way.

Complying – Acting in accordance with a wish or command.

Dutiful – Conscientiously or obediently fulfilling one’s duty.
1 Corinthians 7:3-5 New International Version (NIV) 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (Yes this verse is really talking about sex and sexual desires.)

Humble – Having or showing a modest or low estimate of one’s own importance.
Ephesians 4:2 (NIV) 2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

Meek - Quiet, gentle, and easily imposed on
Matthew 5:5 (NIV) 5 Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.

Obedient – Complying or willing to comply with orders or requests to another’s will.
2 John 6 (NIV) 6 And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love.
(Obedience in God’s commands, which include being submissive to our husbands. And we do it all out of love.)

Patient – Able to accept or tolerate delays, problems, or suffering without becoming annoyed or anxious. (The last part is a doozy for me! I am a very easily annoyed person! Lol)
Colossians 3:12-14  (NIV) 12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. (Again there is doing it through/with love.)

1 Corinthians 13:4 (NIV) 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

Ephesians 4:2 (NIV) 2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

Uncomplaining – Not expressing dissatisfaction or annoyance about a state of affairs or events. (This is another hard one for me. I try not to complain very much, but it’s one I still need to work on.)
Philippians 2:14 New International Version (NIV) 14 Do everything without grumbling or arguing,


By submitting to our husbands we are pleasing God.
Colossians 3:17-19 (AMP) (I like the extra knowledge this version of the Bible gives.)
17 Whatever you do [no matter what it is] in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus [and in dependence on Him], giving thanks to God the Father through Him.18 Wives, be [a]subject to your husbands [out of respect for their position as protector, and their accountability to God], as is proper and [b]fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives [with an affectionate, sympathetic, selfless love that always seeks the best for them] and do not be embittered or resentful toward them [because of the responsibilities of marriage]”

We were created to be our husband’s helpmate.
Genesis 2:18 (NIV) 18 The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

Submission should not be confused as weakness. It takes weakness to be a controlling person and doing everything yourself. It takes strength and whole heck-of-a-lot of will power to become a submissive, helpmate for your husband. It’s doable though!

Submission takes humility. It also takes a lot of prayer and relying on the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit was given to us to help us through life. We have to utilize the strength and power in His name to help us become the people we want to be.

This is the verse I spoke of at the beginning. I have it in NIV version and AMP version. The AMP version really explains things more and is very easy to understand.

1 Peter 3:1-6 (NIV)
3 Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3 Your beauty should not come from oust who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, 6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

1 Peter 3:1-6 Amplified Bible (AMP)
3 In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate, not as inferior, but out of respect for the responsibilities entrusted to husbands and their accountability to God, and so partnering with them] so that even if some do not obey the word [of God], they may be won over [to Christ] without discussion by the godly lives of their wives, 2 when they see your modest and respectful behavior [together with your devotion and appreciation—love your husband, encourage him, and enjoy him as a blessing from God]. 3 Your adornment must not be merely external—with interweaving and elaborate knotting of the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or [being superficially preoccupied with] dressing in expensive clothes; 4 but let it be [the inner beauty of] the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality and unfading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit, [one that is calm and self-controlled, not overanxious, but serene and spiritually mature] which is very precious in the sight of God. 5 For in this way in former times the holy women, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands and adapting themselves to them; 6 just as Sarah obeyed Abraham [following him and having regard for him as head of their house], calling him lord. And you have become her daughters if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear [that is, being respectful toward your husband but not giving in to intimidation, nor allowing yourself to be led into sin, nor to be harmed].

Is becoming a submissive wife going to be easy? No. Not at all. Not because the task is hard, but because I’ve been the way I am for such a long time, and I’m an extremely stubborn person. But I’m going to make the change, however long it takes, and I pray that it impacts not only my husband, but my whole family. I love my husband more than words can express, but I’ve not shown him Christ through my love. I’ve loved him in my own way and my own power. I look forward to seeing how God uses me to impact him and how our relationship and marriage will change for the better.