Not ok today.

https://youtu.be/VXCyDoJOjdU

Today I'm not okay. And that's okay. We're allowed to have bad days. Even with medication, there's still going to be bad days.

This week my mom was put on hospice care. If you're not familiar with what that is, it is end of life care. I helped her shower for the first time this week. I'm making sure she takes her medicine, holding her when she cries, and trying to help keep her house tidy. She such a sweet woman, I hate that she is going through what she's going through. Had she known at the beginning of it all, how she would feel now, she wouldn't have done any of it. I don't want her to die soon, but I also don't want her to be in pain.

On top of watching my mother die, my 10 year old is at the point of a mental breakdown, and I'm at the end of my rope. He's so angry and so hateful that starting tonight I'll be sleeping with my door locked. He's been caught lying and stealing. Yesterday he decided to walk the opposite direction of home and was mad when I picked him up and said he's packing a bag and running away.
I would let him stay with my parents, but they have enough going on.
Places are closing early today and closed tomorrow due to the hurricane, but Friday I will be contacting social services about getting him evaluated. I know he has depression and anxiety, I just don't know what else is mixed in there.
It's heartbreaking to know how much your child despises you and doesn't want to be around you.
And yet still thinks he deserves everything he wants and refuses to work for it.

Sigh. Life is hard. You never know what someone is going through, so just be nice!

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