God winks

Do you ever have those moments where you feel or see when the hand of God is moving? Or do you see or feel things that you know are from God? I like to call those God winks.

Totally unrelated: When I found out I was pregnant with my younger son I had a vision of God smiling and winking at me and saying not your plan my love, mine.

Last week was an extremely difficult week. My older son has some mental health issues, which run in the family, and has really been struggling. Anytime he gets caught doing something that he is not supposed to be doing, he has a full-on manic episode. This includes wanting to self harm and talks of suicide and running away and everything that goes along with that. He is also only 10 years old. (When I was about his age I think that was when my mental health started to decline and I begin to notice my issues.) It was bad enough of a week that I looked into boarding schools and military schools for him. (Which are insanely expensive!) That's not something that I really want to do, but it may end up being what is not only best for him, but also best for our relationship.

I try to remember that I am his safe place and that I will receive everything that he is keeping in day all day long. He is receiving counseling. We have the doctor visit next month to confirm diagnosis for him. But it has been a really really hard and it has taken its toll. I have been sick to my stomach, sleeping or not sleeping and just completely overwhelmed.

I had someone that I do not know send me a message because they had read one of my blogs with some of the stuff about my son. They understood the struggle and followed God's leading to reach out to me. It was exactly what I needed in that moment; in this moment. This person understood the struggle because they also had a child that is like mine and they chose to be of help and allow themselves to be my God wink. We talked about what we deal with, how horrible it feels to be our child's target, and we talked about things that help or not help. This person even went as far as mailing me some essential oils and sleep aid stuff that works well for their child. We discussed how we're reluctant to put our children on medication because they are still developing. Having that person who can relate is so vital!

I've said many times how important it is that we share our stories. That we allow people to see us so that they know that they are not alone in this journey. All of us are going through something. All of us have issues. It's so good to know that we're not by ourselves. We are not going through our problems and our issues on our own.

I pray that if you feel a leading to say something to someone or do something for someone because you feel that God is pressing it upon you; follow through. You could be that person's God wink. You could be the person that they need in that moment. Don't hesitate. Embrace it, and allow yourself to be used.

To the person who was my God wink this last week: Thank you so much for allowing yourself to be used and for touching my life the life of my child. You were so very much needed. And I can't thank you enough!

If you are struggling with mental health issues, do not hesitate to get help. It's scary but it is absolutely worth it! If you don't need help reach out to someone who does. Allow yourself to be their God wink.

♥️