Too Much At Once

Y'all ever have those days when it's just over load? Of course you do, we all do! And you never know when that day is for others!

I was going to record a video, but... 1)I look awful, 2) with everything going on I'm weepy and wouldn't get through the video, and 3) writing it I can make sure I'm making sense and getting what I want out how I want it.

Update on my mom:

She is still alive. She is steadily declining. She's in more and more pain. We had her pain medication increased today so it should be better. She sleeps most of the time. She is very weak and has fallen a few times. Recently she fell in her room (thankfully she landed on a box of supplies and sat there until she got her strength) but she said she was trying to call for me but she couldn't remember my name. Her voice is also weak so I wouldn't have been able to hear her. I put a bell on the table by her bed, I'm not sure if she will remember what it's there for though. I'd write a note, but her comprehension isn't good so I'm not sure it would make sense to her.

In everything she's going through, today she asked me how my relationship with God is. She said she knows that my boys are being difficult right now and wanted to make sure that it's not impacting my faith. ❤️ I so love this woman. 

My older son is still doing better than he was. It's hard though that when he has consequences for his choices he automatically thinks it's because I don't like him. One of the days this week he was mad about something and wrote a note that said "Everybody hates you. Even mom and dad hate you" and taped it to the back of his door. I, of course, took it down. I can tell him and show him that I love him until I'm blue in the face, but he just gives me a blank stare and says whatever. He's only 10! We're not even in the teenage years yet! 😳🙄

Now..  my kindergartner... Where to even start! He can be the sweetest, most kind hearted boy in the world, but good golly miss molly is he mean! He has no respect if he doesn't feel like it. It's so frustrating! Yesterday after lunch time I got a call from the Assistant Principal of his school because he chose to spit in a classmates face! She said she wasn't going to suspend him, but that I needed to come pick him up for the rest of the day. Why would he spit? Was he being bullied? Was someone doing something they shouldn't to him? No. The kid was just talking to him too closely. 😳 Say what??! Yeah. Also, he's already been in trouble with me for spitting. I sat him down when we got home and asked him why he didn't ask the kid to back up and he said, "I didn't think of that". 

To say that I'm on overload is an understatement. 

I don't want to leave my mom's side, but have to because of my kids. I can't relax around my kids because they're awful right now!

Today I sent a request to get them into the pediatrician, they're overdue for their well checks because we didn't have insurance for them last year. I'm also requesting for them both to have sleep studies done. My older son doesn't sleep well at all. It takes him forever to fall asleep and he wakes up a lot. My younger one sleeps, but he (literally) runs in his sleep, so he's not getting the rest he needs. And not sleeping well really screws with the body, especially bodies of children.

Now... Myself... I've been in a lot of pain. I got on my treadmill for the first time since March, but was only able to do half a mile and that night was in extreme joint pain. I have joint pain anyway, but it was so bad, I've not gotten back on the treadmill since. I'm taking Tylenol Arthritis daily, which was recommended by my doctor for my bad tmj, and it helps a lot, but I really hate taking medicine all the time. I can't take Ibuprofen or antiinflammatories because they cause my nose to bleed.

Emotionally I'm a mess and having a rough time with my depression. Thankfully my husband is getting a local driving job, so he will be home more and I won't feel like everything is on me.

There are bright spots though!

My kitten is about 5-6 months old and is doing great! She keeps me laughing and gives me snuggles. 😊

It is fall! I haven't seen the leaves changing and have real fall in 11 years!!! I am LOVING it! It's so beautiful and brings me joy, even with the allergies. Lol

And, if you don't know me, I love to sing and worship Jesus. And that on it's own brings me joy. I can't sing when my allergies are acting up because I always lose my voice, but to send worship up to God, even through the hard times, is very rewarding. I don't do devotions or read my Bible like I should, but I do a lot of worshiping. That's not a replacement for getting into The Word, it's just where I'm at.

Ok, this is long enough! Lol 

If you are struggling mentally, emotionally, or physically (they often go together) don't hesitate to get help! Reach out to someone. Contact a pastor or a clinic. If you don't need the help, be the help for others.

❤️