Idk how Jesus did it

I don't know how Jesus kept being nice after everything. He knew people's thoughts and He knew they were lying. He knew they were going to disappoint Him. He knew the would betray Him. He knew they talked about Him when he wasn't around. He knew they secretly (or not so secretly) didn't support Him and have His back. And yet He loved them. He was kind to them. He was generous. He was even tempered. He was (still is) Love.

I've had some of these things happening recently and I find it hard to like people who act certain ways to me.

And when people I love, and who say they love me, do it it's all the more frustrating. Although many times when it's this one; I blame myself for their actions even when that makes no sense.
I find myself not wanting to care. Wanting to give up and not try anymore, but that's not how I am.
I always keep trying. I keep doing everything even when people don't care that I'm doing it. I keep doing it even when I feel so overwhelmed that I can't breathe. I keep doing it knowing that the people I do it for don't see me. They don't see that my actions are love. They don't see that my choices are always for them. And just sometimes.. I wish I had some of that care and love in return.

Sometimes I wish I could be a robot and not feel. And not be affected by things out of my control. But I'm not.

I'm an over feeling, emotional, tearful mess that loves too much. Just how God made me.

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