Divinely Hooked

I really hate racism. It's not something that is only aimed at non-white people. I am very much a white person and I have experienced racial tension and dislike for being me, being with and married to a black man, and for having children with this man. When my husband and I were first together we were visiting his mom and one of the older black men there did not appreciate that there was a white woman in his area. He started to yell at me and cuss at me and call me a "cracker" and all that goes with that. Luckily, I had a very outspoken and loving mother-in-law and she put that old man in his place. When I started working, when we first moved to Florida, people loved me and they loved to work with me, but when they found out that I was in a relationship with a black man their demeanor and attitudes to me changed. And I heard that they were saying how I could do better and I shouldn't be with someone like that. When I would go out with just my son often I would get d...

https://youtu.be/VXCyDoJOjdU Today I'm not okay. And that's okay. We're allowed to have bad days. Even with medication, there's still going to be bad days. This week my mom was put on hospice care. If you're not familiar with what that is, it is end of life care. I helped her shower for the first time this week. I'm making sure she takes her medicine, holding her when she cries, and trying to help keep her house tidy. She such a sweet woman, I hate that she is going through what she's going through. Had she known at the beginning of it all, how she would feel now, she wouldn't have done any of it. I don't want her to die soon, but I also don't want her to be in pain. On top of watching my mother die, my 10 year old is at the point of a mental breakdown, and I'm at the end of my rope. He's so angry and so hateful that starting tonight I'll be sleeping with my door locked. He's been caught lying and stealing. Yesterday he decide...

Normally on Sundays I pick up my mom for church and take her. Today though she is feeling awful from her chemo this week. So instead of going to church, I came over to her house and had a devotional and sang some worship songs. I didn't have a devotional planned, so I just googled for some. I ended up clicking on Proverbs 31 ministries and listened/read their devotional for today. It was just right for Mom and I today! So many times we have in our minds what we want in our lives and how we want them to happen. And we get so frustrated when God's answer to our prayers is 'no'. But He isn't saying no out of spite or to be hurtful; He's saying no out of love! Whatever is behind that door that we are banging on to open, isn't what is best for us and isn't His plan for us. It was so nice to spend one on one time with my mom in God's word and worshipping Him. The Bible says where two or more are gathered He is there. And today he was laying in that bed...

Hey y'all!!! Life has been crazy lately!! Attached is a 10 minute video, I'll write some of it here too. https://youtu.be/ gl8vPCAA -yY We moved to South Carolina on July 1st. It was a crazy adventure. The trip itself wasn't bad. I did awesome driving the 20' uhaul with the car hauler on the back. It took about 12 hours, but over all it wasn't bad. Once we got here, that was a different story. The house I had rented was seriously nasty! Gaps in the doors and windows. Floors that were horribly uneven (+/- 4"). Extremely dirty. And there was animal poop all over. We literally stayed in that house less than 24 hours. Just staying there for the night me and my boys were sick. I was only able to sleep for an hour or two and was up at 6 reloading the uhaul. Thankfully I got my full refund. We're currently in a duplex. The only downside is it's a month to month, so I never know how long we'll be here. Happy thing: my kitten (watch the video for the ...

The blog below goes more in depth than the video. I was a little scatter brained when doing the video. 😊 https ://youtu.be/ gegEVVyGK1I I've had a rough week or so. Before I was on medication I fairly frequently would have what I refer to as "crazisodes". This, I now understand, were manic episodes. I haven't had any since I started my medication. I was close this weekend. It wasn't as horrible as it used to be, but it was very emotional and exhausting. It didn't help that I wasn't sleeping well (which is common) so it all accumulated and made things worse. However, I did not have the extreme anger like I used to. I didn't have the desire to hurt myself or hit or throw things. So it was still better than it used to be, but it was still hard. Another thing I've dealt with, with my depression, is severe lack of self worth. And that was another thing I was battling. It's so hard when I feel like I'll never be enough, I'll nev...

Hello all, I was going to do a video this week, but allergies have attacked and I don't have much of a voice. I'm trying to rest it as much as possible because I'm in Praise Team on Sunday. 🎵 I know I have been lacking in the posts and videos because of not being sure what to share. Lately though God has given me multiple things to share, so there will be multiple new posts coming up in the next weeks. Of course I have to do some research and stuff first, but I'm excited about what content is to come. A small update about me. If you've read my blogs before you know that I battle headaches constantly. I've had them almost daily since 2005, the most I didn't have them was during pregnancy. Recently, when my blood pressure has gone up, whether due to exercise or laughing the headache has gotten much worse. At one point I was laughing hard about something and had a sharp pain behind my left eye, like a vertical line, and I could feel the pulsing o...

Today I am 33. I don't care about the number, I don't care about the birthday wishes or gifts or any of that. I do care that again this year I have become more mentally healthy. I've grown more and done more for myself this past year than I have probably ever. I've learned a lot about myself. Some things are good, some things need to be worked on. All that said, I'm so thankful I am where I am and I am who I am. I am an amazing creation by God. I am fully loved and fully forgiven. He continues to guide me and continues to help me in this journey of life. He has blessed me more than I can even put into words. I am so thankful for where I am and the journey He has walked me through. I'm thankful for the people he has brought into my life and the people he has removed. I look forward to continuing my healthy mind journey and sharing it so others may be encouraged and helped along the way. If you need help, don't wait! It's SO SO worth it! ❤️