Rainbow Babies -- October: National Infant Loss and Miscarriage Awareness Month
When I had my children, I didn't know about the term "Rainbow Babies". I truly wish I had! I love it! I have two rainbow babies. Most of this blog I wrote a year ago, but it's so relevant and true. I actually teared up reading it.
The definition of a rainbow baby is "a child born after a miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal death or infant loss." I love that rainbows are how God reminded Noah of his promise to never flood the whole earth again. Rainbows are God's reminders of His promises to us. I feel as though my rainbow babies (my two sons) are my reminders that God is with me through all, no matter how painful and difficult.
Before I got pregnant with my older son I miscarried twice. Between my two boys I miscarried four more times, the last was with a pair of twins.
But if it weren't for God and His healing touch I wouldn't have either on of my boys.
Before we got pregnant with our oldest we were going to a church, where we had a few close friends. One of which is a strong God-seeking, God-fearing, fireball of a woman.
During one service, I was sitting with some kids, and had one on my lap during all the praising and prayer. My friend came over and placed her hand on my stomach and began to pray for the healing so that I could bring a child into this world.
You know how you hear stories about healing and people say they felt a warm sensation? That was me. My womb was being healed in that very moment. Not long after that I was pregnant with my son. Had a good pregnancy and brought a small, healthy, beautiful little baby boy into the world.
Did I lose more babies after this? Yes.
Does that take away the healing God gave me? NO!
I know what happened that day. I know God, the Great Physician, came down to me and touched me. He brought me a reminder of His love and His provision when I needed it most.
My last miscarriage was the hardest for me to deal with. I was working as a cashier at a grocery store and had opened that day. I was the only cashier there. Things were going along normally until I lifted my arms over my head for a good morning stretch. I felt a pop in my abdomen and a gush of blood. I had the office person come out and cover for me. I had to go buy pads and then went to the bathroom.
The definition of a rainbow baby is "a child born after a miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal death or infant loss." I love that rainbows are how God reminded Noah of his promise to never flood the whole earth again. Rainbows are God's reminders of His promises to us. I feel as though my rainbow babies (my two sons) are my reminders that God is with me through all, no matter how painful and difficult.
Before I got pregnant with my older son I miscarried twice. Between my two boys I miscarried four more times, the last was with a pair of twins.
But if it weren't for God and His healing touch I wouldn't have either on of my boys.
Before we got pregnant with our oldest we were going to a church, where we had a few close friends. One of which is a strong God-seeking, God-fearing, fireball of a woman.
During one service, I was sitting with some kids, and had one on my lap during all the praising and prayer. My friend came over and placed her hand on my stomach and began to pray for the healing so that I could bring a child into this world.
You know how you hear stories about healing and people say they felt a warm sensation? That was me. My womb was being healed in that very moment. Not long after that I was pregnant with my son. Had a good pregnancy and brought a small, healthy, beautiful little baby boy into the world.
Did I lose more babies after this? Yes.
Does that take away the healing God gave me? NO!
I know what happened that day. I know God, the Great Physician, came down to me and touched me. He brought me a reminder of His love and His provision when I needed it most.
My last miscarriage was the hardest for me to deal with. I was working as a cashier at a grocery store and had opened that day. I was the only cashier there. Things were going along normally until I lifted my arms over my head for a good morning stretch. I felt a pop in my abdomen and a gush of blood. I had the office person come out and cover for me. I had to go buy pads and then went to the bathroom.
I couldn't even cry yet, but the miscarriage had begun. I stayed at work, we needed the money, and worked my shift through the pain, through the full belly contractions and when my shift was over I went home. Late that night I got up from bed and went to the bathroom, where not one but two little precious babes came out in a mass of blood and pain.
Each time I lost a baby I had a full body system flush. It wasn't some easy thing that happened and was done. It was an extremely painful event that often left me crying and doubled over in pain. And it was a physical pain that lasted for days. (tmi? sorry lol)
I was heartbroken. I, again, couldn't bring my babies into this world. Unless, you've been through it, you can't even begin to understand what this does to a woman. To her self esteem, to her heart, to her hormones! (hormones... I could go on forever one that one! lol) It took a very long time for me to heal from this one. It still pains me and sometimes bring me to tears when I think about it.
After that one I didn't get pregnant at all. Not until our surprise years later.
It was my birthday in 2013 when I took the pregnancy test at home. It was positive! We hadn't planned on having any more children. But here was another one!
When I found out, I began to prayed over the baby and had a vision... It was Christ smiling down at me with a twinkle in His eye and a giggle He said, "My child, not YOUR plan but MINE". And I had peace about everything, I knew that this child would survive.
This pregnancy was a bit more difficult that the first one. I got very large with my first pregnancy, but this one I was HUGE! At 3 months I was in a wedding for my best friend, and was continually asked if I was going to have the baby at the wedding. I thought about faking my water breaking, but decided to be nice. :) Due to some health issues, I was not able to have an epidural. If any of you have had to have an unplanned non-medicated, induced, birth... it's a whole other ball game! LOL
But after many hours I brought a big baby boy into the world.
One thing that gives me peace about the babies I lost, is knowing that they are waiting for me in Heaven.
Each time I lost a baby I had a full body system flush. It wasn't some easy thing that happened and was done. It was an extremely painful event that often left me crying and doubled over in pain. And it was a physical pain that lasted for days. (tmi? sorry lol)
I was heartbroken. I, again, couldn't bring my babies into this world. Unless, you've been through it, you can't even begin to understand what this does to a woman. To her self esteem, to her heart, to her hormones! (hormones... I could go on forever one that one! lol) It took a very long time for me to heal from this one. It still pains me and sometimes bring me to tears when I think about it.
After that one I didn't get pregnant at all. Not until our surprise years later.
It was my birthday in 2013 when I took the pregnancy test at home. It was positive! We hadn't planned on having any more children. But here was another one!
When I found out, I began to prayed over the baby and had a vision... It was Christ smiling down at me with a twinkle in His eye and a giggle He said, "My child, not YOUR plan but MINE". And I had peace about everything, I knew that this child would survive.
This pregnancy was a bit more difficult that the first one. I got very large with my first pregnancy, but this one I was HUGE! At 3 months I was in a wedding for my best friend, and was continually asked if I was going to have the baby at the wedding. I thought about faking my water breaking, but decided to be nice. :) Due to some health issues, I was not able to have an epidural. If any of you have had to have an unplanned non-medicated, induced, birth... it's a whole other ball game! LOL
But after many hours I brought a big baby boy into the world.
One thing that gives me peace about the babies I lost, is knowing that they are waiting for me in Heaven.
In the Bible it says that God has our mansions built for us.. which is good because I am going to need all those rooms! LOL
If you know someone that has lost a baby. There isn't really much you can say that will help.
However, there is plenty NOT to say.
Please do not say any of the following:
- Well, you can try again. --- it was a BABY not a messed up art project! Have some compassion!
- Maybe there was something wrong with it, you're better off. --- regardless if there was something wrong with the baby, it was still our baby. We still wanted it!
- How do you know you were even pregnant? --- Just because I didn't make a formal announcement doesn't mean my child wasn't there!
- Are you sure you weren't just having a period? --- Yes. I'm sure. And since having two children at full term and knowing what contractions feel like, I know for dang sure that they were miscarriages and not just cramps with a period. I will never be able to have another period in my entire life without thinking about the losses. Every time there is a small clot, you're reminded of that mass that came out. And yes it breaks your heart every single time! Sometimes you cry. Not because of the cramps, but because of the memories. The "what ifs" or "if onlys".
When I lost my children in the early weeks the doctors called it a "spontaneous abortion". Do you know how much I HATE that two-word phrase?? To me an abortion is a choice made. I didn't CHOSE for my babies to leave my body! Many times I would cry and just tell them, I do want you! I did want you! It wasn't an abortion!!
Miscarriages hurt. You will always have reminders of it. There will be days, nights, events that bring you back to those memories and babies. Always.
I find peace in, knowing that one day I will be whole again, with ALL of my children.
I will FINALLY be able to hold them. I will FINALLY be able to kiss their cheeks. I will FINALLY get to see them, as whole beautiful beings.
To you reading this that has been there. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
There is a recent song that I love. I can't listen to the words when I'm driving because I know the story behind the song and it makes me cry. Hillary Scott had a miscarriage and wrote this song and it it so touching. And I pray she knows that she is reaching so many hurting women and that she herself is not alone! "Thy Will Be Done" YouTube Video for Thy Will by Hillary Scott
This is the first time I've watched the video for it, and yes I'm crying, but the sweetest thing is that my 2 year old is sitting next to me and he loves the song. But the only part of the song he knows is "thy will be done". It could not be any more perfect from my sweet rainbow baby. <3
However, there is plenty NOT to say.
Please do not say any of the following:
- Well, you can try again. --- it was a BABY not a messed up art project! Have some compassion!
- Maybe there was something wrong with it, you're better off. --- regardless if there was something wrong with the baby, it was still our baby. We still wanted it!
- How do you know you were even pregnant? --- Just because I didn't make a formal announcement doesn't mean my child wasn't there!
- Are you sure you weren't just having a period? --- Yes. I'm sure. And since having two children at full term and knowing what contractions feel like, I know for dang sure that they were miscarriages and not just cramps with a period. I will never be able to have another period in my entire life without thinking about the losses. Every time there is a small clot, you're reminded of that mass that came out. And yes it breaks your heart every single time! Sometimes you cry. Not because of the cramps, but because of the memories. The "what ifs" or "if onlys".
When I lost my children in the early weeks the doctors called it a "spontaneous abortion". Do you know how much I HATE that two-word phrase?? To me an abortion is a choice made. I didn't CHOSE for my babies to leave my body! Many times I would cry and just tell them, I do want you! I did want you! It wasn't an abortion!!
Miscarriages hurt. You will always have reminders of it. There will be days, nights, events that bring you back to those memories and babies. Always.
I find peace in, knowing that one day I will be whole again, with ALL of my children.
I will FINALLY be able to hold them. I will FINALLY be able to kiss their cheeks. I will FINALLY get to see them, as whole beautiful beings.
To you reading this that has been there. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
There is a recent song that I love. I can't listen to the words when I'm driving because I know the story behind the song and it makes me cry. Hillary Scott had a miscarriage and wrote this song and it it so touching. And I pray she knows that she is reaching so many hurting women and that she herself is not alone! "Thy Will Be Done" YouTube Video for Thy Will by Hillary Scott
This is the first time I've watched the video for it, and yes I'm crying, but the sweetest thing is that my 2 year old is sitting next to me and he loves the song. But the only part of the song he knows is "thy will be done". It could not be any more perfect from my sweet rainbow baby. <3
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