Divinely Hooked

 I know it's been a while since I've written and frankly it's because I've been overloaded to the point of not having the energy or the words to write. I started to write in my journal about my journey with my mom through the end of her earthly life, but even that has been at a stand still. But life goes on, things change, and we keep on truckin'.  My kids are done with virtual school (hallelujah!). I think it was harder for me to be my 1st grader's teacher than actual school was for either of them. It's truly not for the faint of heart. lol But, we survived! I have shipped back the stuff they need back, which when you live in a less than 600 sqft apartment, it makes a difference! I'm looking forward to them getting back to normal school and getting to have friends and all that good stuff. I know they're looking forward to it too.  The real reason I decided to write is because of something that happened this week. I was at the store and the lady in f...

12/9/2020 (Technically tomorrow) It's hard to believe it's been a year since my mom has been gone. A year since I saw her face. A year since she drew breath. A year... A very long year. In a way I'm thankful she hasn't been around to see all the hatred and craziness going on, but I also wish she was still here to talk to. I know she would be heartbroken and fearful with the racial division going on. She loved my husband as her own and referred to him as "my son". She would be fearful with her grandsons growing up with it all going on. And with her cancer battle, it's not something I would want her to see or feel.  I'm very glad she's not having to deal with this pandemic. If she was still here I would not let anyone come anywhere near her. Which would make treatment a bit difficult. Lol I miss her smile and her laugh. I miss talking about things of the past. I miss laughing at how much we are alike. I miss talking to her about my depression struggl...

     So often I feel like I have to keep a mask on at all times. A mask of being socially acceptable. By that I mean that I have to have my fake face on and be okay because I'm supposed to have my stuff together. I'm a Christ follower, I'm supposed to always have a smile, a sweet demeanor, and constant joy in the Lord. I'm not supposed to show how much physical pain I'm in, day in and day out. I'm not supposed to show how much having mentally unstable children drains me and sucks the joy of motherhood out of me. And don't I dare ever show when my depression is in full swing. Heaven forbid I show that I'm struggling.  Personally when it's been a rough day with my kids , or my own mental health, my body will physically rebel after they go to bed. I live with chronic pain 24/7, but you wouldn't know it. I live with a constant battle within myself 24/7, but you wouldn't know it. I feel the emotions of those around me 24/7, but you wouldn't kn...

 As many of you know we decided to move back to Florida this month. The Tampa area was home for my husband and I before we were even husband and wife, and for many years after. We moved farther south to be closer to his daughter then up to South Carolina so I could be near my parents as my mom came to the end of her cancer battle.  When I was leaving my very last stop ever working with the census my suv got stuck in a massive hole. I was stuck for HOURS! I had walked barefoot to all the houses around me, but no one was home or no one could help. My tires were stuck deep and my undercarriage was stuck on sand/clay mixture. It was awful. Once we finally got out I was covered in sand and mud and we were still over an hour away from home. On my way home I realized that my car now needed an alignment. The next day I took my car in to the dealership I bought it from and had them do the alignment and I told them to check my brakes because I knew they would need to be cleaned out. Hou...

I have never been a small town girl. Don't get me wrong I LOVE the country. I LOVE farms and animals. And I very much love the peacefulness of being away from busyness. However, living in a small town just isn't for me. A little over a year ago I made the decision, with full support from my amazing husband, to move to this small (to us) town so I could be close to my parents and be near my mom as she came to the end of her earthly life. That choice will never ever be a regretted one. While we have had many negative experiences here, none of it will take away from the 5 months that I had with, caring for, and loving my sweet mama. The absolute hardest part of moving is leaving the last place I was able to physically love on her. I won't be able to walk into "her room" at their house anymore or sit in her rocking chair by the windows she loved to look out of. And it's so hard.  I thought moving to a predominantly black community would be a positive experience fo...

If you would rather listen/watch instead of read all this, here's the link to my YouTube video.  video I don't know about any of you, but I'm so tired of how this country is behaving! It is truly exhausting. I am a pretty blunt person and won't beat around the bush. I strive to choose my words carefully so I am not hurtful, but I will not make things that are difficult or nasty seem to be rosy.  I have grown so much over the years. I value good conversation. I value other opinions, so that I may reflect and gain knowledge. And sometimes learn that my opinion isn't accurate. That my stance is not the stance that Christ would want me to have. That my view is not always the one of love that Christ calls me to have. With all of the racial tension and unrest lately I've reflected a lot on how much my little family has faced over the years. As a young woman I was told, more than once, that I was racist against my own race because I found black men more attractive than...

Well, I've change my medication again. As you go on this journey to wellness you have to weigh the benefits verses the side effects. Lately, the side effects of my medication were out weighing the benefits. I had a nurse practitioner that I haven't met before this time and I LOVED her! She not only listened to why I wanted to try something new, she wanted to know about other issues not related to my depression. She even gave me a muscle relaxer to see if it will help with my tmj which in turn helps with my headaches. I've only had to take it once and I've been able to tell a difference. If you are seeing a doctor or practitioner, of any kind, and you don't feel like it's helping; try a different person! It could make all the difference in the world! If you are in need of metal health help, please find it! It is so worth it! If you do not need the help for yourself, be the help and support for someone else. ❤️